Cinema Ettiquette : A Forgotten Legacy
what can i say.. the title tells it all.
i'm fucking tired and irked at this absolutely annoying breed of
homosapien,
the wow-im-that-stereotyped-fucking-annoying-cinema-going-movie-goer.
people like that just get on my nerves
isn't it plain obvious. let me break the stereotype down.
no, not abolish its presence but rather, classify them : -
1. The Ringtone Spamming SonofaBitchBefore the actual movie begins, and right after the adverts, the understanding movie hosts place unobtrusive messages for users to switch off all handphones or pagers, or turn them to their silent modes. Yet throughout, the movie will no doubt be punctuated by dots and dashes of unfailingly annoying ringtones such as : Mexican Hat Dance, The Nokia Tune or even WTFBBQICOMPOSEDTHISONE. People like that send me the signals that they either cannot read visual imagery on the screen (so wtf why even bother watching a movie?) or they just don't fucking give a damn about the convenience of others. Most usually fall under category B. That just fucking sucks. There's no excuse for such anti-social behavior unless you were raised by wolves and buttfucked by your abusive dad since young. Then again, what would such people be doing civilised things such as movie-going. Pssht.
2. The Fucking Explainer/ExplaineeWhat can i say, people like that are just seriously pure dumb. Unless you don't understand English (there will be Chinese subtitles) or don't understand the foreign language of the film (in which case there will be English AND Chinese subtitles present) there should be no reason why you can't follow the unfolding of the movie's plot on your own. People like that commonly resort to asking the nearest available person on why: that girl is being haunted by that hairy (scary?) ghost ; why can't that fat guy get that beautiful girlfriend and best of all ; why are we out of popcorn? Can you get more? Because i'm hungry and i don't like watching romantic comedies hungry because it makes me scared. I watched Howl's Moving Castle it 's a perfect film, and i highly respect its director, Hayao Miyazaki. But my entire show was spoilt by this mother explaining to her kid wtf that scarecrow was doing, wtf that fire was doing and WTF the whole show was about. Bullshit. Thanks a lot i really needed that. Shut up and explain after the show next time man. Is that really hard to accomplish?
3. The Immature AdolescentDon't get me wrong i'm not against adolescents or anything. In fact, i'm one myself. But those really annoying ones such as young 10 year old kids, deprived teenagers or abused children tend to get awfully irritating at times. The 10 year old kids will be laughing at every mushy kiss-kiss scene that comes on in their retarded PG show; the deprived teenagers would either be throwing popcorn at the person in front of them i.e, me, or laughing loudly and making noises at that foreign actor's silly accent. Wow WTF that's just such great movie ettiquette. In fact, i see this not only in our beloved Singaporean kids, but foreign children as well, mainly American kids. The culprits are usually boys, acne-spotted children on the verge of pre-pubertic ecstacy have to release their pent up sexual deficiencies by hurling toasted bits of corn kernals at the people around them. When the receiving end looks up and sees them they just roll their eyes and look around. Wow, like we never knew it was you all along. Popcorn + Pimply kid = Asshole.
4. The Smooching CoupleNo i don't have anything against quiet smoochers that snuggle in their seats. In fact, they're pretty amusing to watch especially after turning on my nightvisioned digital camera. But it's those guys who love to kiss slobbily, loudly and energetically that really distract you. Have you seen two such people attempt to make out? It makes you want to groan and swear off the opposite sex for at least a month or so. Sickening. They'll touch each other and giggle at the stupid thing the guy/girl makes i.e slobbering over his date or accidentally bursting his partner's pimple. Then they'll start trying out all sorts of french kisses i.e the Canal Grande Sewage Kiss or the Baguette-in-your-Brain kiss. Bloody hell ! The very sight of them makes me want to La La on the ground. And that means puking.
Gurmit the Fucking Frog
being a 17 year old student entitles me the every right to get jacked by a teacher - at all times
wow i'm so fucking honoured.
their system stinks. their rules stink. some of their teachers stink.
i'm not bitching for the sake of purely whining about my predicament.
but about the whole idea of it all.
some teachers there make me FUCKING SICK.
so here i was minding my own damned business.. walking to the canteen with a couple of my friends, lets say EIGHT people.
and here comes this fucker lets call him GURMIT. he jacks me out of the entire fucking crowd.
why?
MAYBE it's because i'm a somewhat unqualified student. btw, that's a student who did not make the cut off mark for entry into the college, thus subjected to a series of gruelling form pushing and supervisor grilling in the heresaid institution.
MAYBE because i came from a secondary school he hates. Why? Because of a fucking personal vendetta he has promised to keep till the end of time and even as he rolls in his grave he still curses us while satan puts prongs up his whiny ass.
people like him make me sick. let me tell you what happened. publish it to the entire world.
his wife got nobbed by his former colleague named J (btw he's my new best friend)
and being rejected in the worst way he grows depressed, angry and dejected.
what a sad prick. he's black. his wife's chinese. how the fuck did they get married.
he's a self-absorbed fucking asshole who think's he's a new age metrosexual jock.
that's so fucking sick no wonder his wife played around behind his back.
BUT LOOK SIR it happened how fucking long ago. 3 words : GET OVER IT
omg. you make me sick clinging on to your sad past like that. just move on will you.
he hates students such as us because my seniors spread the golden news to the college
now he fucking hates all of us. wow that's just sad.
it was bound to get out sooner or later.
you're just finding a fucking avenue to release your pent up aggressions
why? because you're too sick to face your own rejections
get a life you bitch stop picking on us students
so what if they get 15,16,17 or even 20points just get a fucking life please.
points mean nothing. what the fuck are you so absorbed in that issue for ?
i seriously believe you scored something like 54 during your time
you know, when things such as 5x2=? was being tested for O'levels
you bastard, that's just another example of how sad you fucking are
another example of being unable to face your rejections
you aren't even half a man. hell you don't even dress like one
what the fuck's up with those tight shorts. so you think your fucking legs are damn sexy?
please reflect on yourself. you look ugly. i won't say you're even remotely handsome.
and you like to comment on our fucking looks? wow WTF?
people like you make me sick, gurmit.
when i think of gurmit i think of kermit the fucking frog
the one from muppets
always being chased around by that fat pig in that gay show
maybe your wife was like that
then she realised you were just a fucking retarded frog and ditched you
she probably went off to screw elmo, or heck, even the cookie monster smells better than you
fuck yourself. and fuck your life.
actually, your life's already fucked. but i just wanted you to know that :)
here's you not humping your wife but another Gurmit in the ass
and here's your fantasy of humping your idol J in the ass
you better thank the principal for being such a nice person
she lets you keep your backwater job looking out for things that don't concern you
they probably pay you 50 cents to jack off under your office table man
i'm totally disgusted at the way you handle things. arrowing certain unqualified people.
fuck. i almost called my friends in today.
you asshole you better thank God that my sis talked some sense into me
hell, i bet you'd be shivering under your office table, knee deep in your shit
when me and my friends storm your room and i'll find you and i'll let you meet my best friend
his name's Ben(t) and he's metal, he's long, he's strong and he can snap you in two.
you fucker. i hate your guts.
don't ever come into town. if not i'll be spitting on your spleen from the sidewalks
you sad-ass, go run off and pray to J's phallus - it deserves more credit than yours
your primary 5 cock in the body of a 30 year old- wtf i dont care?- man's body
now what you should do now is attend inner healing lessons
heal away that spoilt life of yours and then come to me
so i can fill it up all over again :)
have a nice day.. bastard .
5 Best Songs of this Week
was just surfing around the web and decided to take a look at what's hot in P10
www.perfect10.com.sg. You can visit the one without the .sg when your parents aren't around.
looking at the list of bullshit that our favourite pop station has to offer, i discuss :
'best' songs according to level of inanity :5. Shut Up - Simple PlanYet another whiny high pitched pop hit generated from our all time favourite singer Pierre Bouvier and 'the guys' from SP. After years of being barraged by an endless stream of cookie-cutter pop acts, our fair citizens of Singapore fail to see the necessity of change. Their music video shows the group busting up a dinner to make their presence felt. Holy shit, as if we didn't know they were attention seeking ADD inferior-complexed adolescents crying out for recognition. Yet another music degrading show of pseudo-angst and bed-ridden, overused cliches. Simple Plan should just Shut Up.
4. La La - Ashlee SimpsonTotal Bullshit. With a capital B. This is a song squeezed in by Ashlee in a plea of telling the entire world how sexually deprived she is. I quote
'You make me wanna lala in the kitchen on the floor. I'll be a french maid when i meet you at the door. I'm like an alley cat. Drink the milk up i want more. You make me wanna. You make me wanna scream ' if this isn't a plea for a desperate teenage girl to get laid i don't know what is. But i guess all teeny-bopper girls have to go through this disturbing phase of life- look what happened to Britney. Hell to this song; be it about masturbation, sex, or maybe even beastiality and possibly midget sex. This song still sucks and is the worst shit ever.
3. Unwritten - Natasha BeddingfieldPlease refer to 'Britney Spears' on your local radio list. I've hated her work and everything she has done and i regret retaining her original album after a close friend gave it to me. Then along comes a Britney-wannabe in her attempt to make it big as David's little sis. I respect David, he's a good singer vocal wise and even battled a whole wad of bullshit in his career and what does his sister do? She goes on the bandwagon and rides the money train. Yeah i'm using cliches here because that's what she is : a cliche. Get over it please, the music that you do is old but most importantly, it's shit. The whining doesn't help either.
2. Rich Girls - Gwen Stefani Feat. EveHell she was much better off being with No Doubt. This has to be one of the most sickening songs in the entire civilised world - everywhere I go be it work, gym or even on TV there's absolutely no way to escape from this horseshit. They play it at least 8 times in a time frame of 24 hours on MTV and spam it on the airwaves on Perfect 10. Omg you don't even need a terminal illness or good enough reason to commit suicide - hearing this pile of senseless crap is enough to make you pull the trigger on yourself. She should just stop screwing up our ear drums with her meaningless 'songs' and start working on something constructive, such as cancelling the production of further album copies and using the money to feed poor children in Africa. You're rich enough, bitch. You don't need the fame or the money.
1. I Just Wanna Live - Good Charlottei just wanna live, and i just want this GC song to die. Young and the Hopeless was fucking awesome. Personally i loved Thank You Mom and Day That I Die. Even their more marketed songs were palatable. But WTF was my only reaction when this whiny piece of shit came on air. Sure, violins are a nice addition to any rock act but get this straight : YOU AREN'T THE FIRST
(please check the band Heritage, if you so happen to read this) so don't go hoping that the violin-ride will boost your popularity with the more adept music crowd. Sure, scamming youngsters fresh off the boat is the way to go. I bet my dog could whine higher than that.. if it could grab its balls the way their lead singer did when they sang this saddening song. If you're meant to be Gothic don't whine. It doesn't suit your image. Personally I don't give a shit about your image, because I'm fine with it. But leave the whining to the likes of J.Lo and her diva soriority sisters. Thanks.
