A Mundane Existance

Cinema Ettiquette : A Forgotten Legacy

what can i say.. the title tells it all.
i'm fucking tired and irked at this absolutely annoying breed of homosapien,
the wow-im-that-stereotyped-fucking-annoying-cinema-going-movie-goer.
people like that just get on my nerves
isn't it plain obvious. let me break the stereotype down.
no, not abolish its presence but rather, classify them : -


1. The Ringtone Spamming SonofaBitch
Before the actual movie begins, and right after the adverts, the understanding movie hosts place unobtrusive messages for users to switch off all handphones or pagers, or turn them to their silent modes. Yet throughout, the movie will no doubt be punctuated by dots and dashes of unfailingly annoying ringtones such as : Mexican Hat Dance, The Nokia Tune or even WTFBBQICOMPOSEDTHISONE. People like that send me the signals that they either cannot read visual imagery on the screen (so wtf why even bother watching a movie?) or they just don't fucking give a damn about the convenience of others. Most usually fall under category B. That just fucking sucks. There's no excuse for such anti-social behavior unless you were raised by wolves and buttfucked by your abusive dad since young. Then again, what would such people be doing civilised things such as movie-going. Pssht.


2. The Fucking Explainer/Explainee
What can i say, people like that are just seriously pure dumb. Unless you don't understand English (there will be Chinese subtitles) or don't understand the foreign language of the film (in which case there will be English AND Chinese subtitles present) there should be no reason why you can't follow the unfolding of the movie's plot on your own. People like that commonly resort to asking the nearest available person on why: that girl is being haunted by that hairy (scary?) ghost ; why can't that fat guy get that beautiful girlfriend and best of all ; why are we out of popcorn? Can you get more? Because i'm hungry and i don't like watching romantic comedies hungry because it makes me scared. I watched Howl's Moving Castle it 's a perfect film, and i highly respect its director, Hayao Miyazaki. But my entire show was spoilt by this mother explaining to her kid wtf that scarecrow was doing, wtf that fire was doing and WTF the whole show was about. Bullshit. Thanks a lot i really needed that. Shut up and explain after the show next time man. Is that really hard to accomplish?


3. The Immature Adolescent
Don't get me wrong i'm not against adolescents or anything. In fact, i'm one myself. But those really annoying ones such as young 10 year old kids, deprived teenagers or abused children tend to get awfully irritating at times. The 10 year old kids will be laughing at every mushy kiss-kiss scene that comes on in their retarded PG show; the deprived teenagers would either be throwing popcorn at the person in front of them i.e, me, or laughing loudly and making noises at that foreign actor's silly accent. Wow WTF that's just such great movie ettiquette. In fact, i see this not only in our beloved Singaporean kids, but foreign children as well, mainly American kids. The culprits are usually boys, acne-spotted children on the verge of pre-pubertic ecstacy have to release their pent up sexual deficiencies by hurling toasted bits of corn kernals at the people around them. When the receiving end looks up and sees them they just roll their eyes and look around. Wow, like we never knew it was you all along. Popcorn + Pimply kid = Asshole.


4. The Smooching Couple
No i don't have anything against quiet smoochers that snuggle in their seats. In fact, they're pretty amusing to watch especially after turning on my nightvisioned digital camera. But it's those guys who love to kiss slobbily, loudly and energetically that really distract you. Have you seen two such people attempt to make out? It makes you want to groan and swear off the opposite sex for at least a month or so. Sickening. They'll touch each other and giggle at the stupid thing the guy/girl makes i.e slobbering over his date or accidentally bursting his partner's pimple. Then they'll start trying out all sorts of french kisses i.e the Canal Grande Sewage Kiss or the Baguette-in-your-Brain kiss. Bloody hell ! The very sight of them makes me want to La La on the ground. And that means puking.

posted by Sheng @ 5:54 AM